Sometimes I get emails and messages from people who tell me they feel inspired by what I am doing. Truthfully, this website is actually more selfish than they realise.
Truthfully I don’t always feel love towards the people I meet and even the people I help. Sometimes I find it really difficult to believe that I should help people at all. Crazy hey? Here I am posting all these pictures of smiling kids and often I am not smiling myself. Crazy hey?
This is my confessional post. This website is actually my own inspiration, because I do truly believe, even if I don’t always practice it, that love is always the answer.
Sometimes I am on the phone to a customer service person that I am not caring for and I feel ready to be bitchy or catty and then I think mmmmmm you have a website called ‘love the people you meet‘ maybe you should rethink that. The blog has become almost like my conscience.
Like tonight I’m feeling totally shitty, lonely and homesick. I’m feeling like Kung Fu Panda outside the Jade Palace and the drums are beating. And the truth is this. I”m terrified my little man Jerry will be taken away. His father has called me (out of the blue) wanting money for a ferry ride back to Estancia. I’m afraid. I am finding it so so so so hard to just live in the joy of having that little boy in my life.
I’ve written countless poems today, some so filled with hope and promise and others so dark and despairing. Love the people you meet. I keep saying it to myself. This website keeps me here. My way of venting. My way of feeling when I don’t want to feel. When I am so afraid, after all I have seen here, so afraid to feel.
So friends if you see a million dark poems scroll through your reader, just scroll past. I’m letting it out. I’m staying. I’m here.
Thanks for listening.